I've been thinking a lot lately about everything that has happened this past year. 2008 was quite a big one for me! I haven't posted "my story" yet, but I hope this will give you a little insight about who I am. Get ready! It might be kind of long since I'm trying to summarize one year in one post. :)

January 2008
I went on a family vacation to Disneyland. I'm the youngest of 6 kids, all of which are married with at least 4 kids in each family except for me and my sister who died 3 years ago this month. I had a great time with them, but it was probably being in such a situation that caused me to really confront my feelings of same gender attraction. I felt very different from the rest of my family and I felt very alone. One night while in the hotel, I posted a personal ad online asking if there was anyone else out there that struggles with SGA. I got a lot of responses. I made a few friends online that I was able to talk to. In one of the responses I got, I learned that my school has a counseling center that I could go and visit with a therapist for free.

February - April 2008
After finding the courage, I decided to take advantage of the counseling center. I was set up with a therapist and I had a hard time talking to him. I don't think I've ever stared at my shoes as long as I did that day. I was so embarrassed to talk to any one about it. My first time wasn't the best experience and I didn't really connect with this therapist. I petitioned to the center that I be set up with a different therapist that deals more with my specific issues. After meeting my new therapist, I was able to open up more. I felt much more comfortable talking to him and I didn't stare at my shoes nearly as much. ;) He helped me confront many of my issues. He said what would help me the most is meeting other guys that struggle. I was very opposed to the idea and I told him that it would never happen! There was no way that I was going to meet other people and have my identity known. I was sure that only bad things would come of it. Anyway, the semester ended and I returned home for the summer.

May - July 2008
I don't know what it was, but being home was kind of rough. I love my parents and I had a great time being with them, but I just felt very alone. Out of desperation, I Googled for help. Help with my same gender attraction issues. The very first thing that came up was North Star. It was like finding an oasis in a long, dry desert! I absolutely loved even the design of the web page. It just looked so clean and I felt really good about it! It was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I posted my thoughts and I got really good, positive feedback from other guys that are struggling, but doing their best to remain true and faithful to their covenants. I felt so much encouragement from those guys and they helped me to turn my life around. North Star can be a great resource for many that are needing support living by the Church's standards. It's been so helpful for me.

August 2008
Every month there are the Matis Firesides. The Matis family had a son that took his own life because of his struggle with same gender attraction and since then they have held monthly firesides to strengthen others that are "touched by SGA in some way". I had heard about them before from North Star but I was still not going to meet any one in person about this issue let alone a whole room of people. A friend of mine invited me (again) to come and after a lot of convincing and after I had given him every excuse in the book, deep down I felt that I was supposed to go. I was scared to death of who I would see there, but I went. It was a great experience. I've never felt so much love and acceptance in one room before! I'm not a hugging kind of guy, but (I know this sounds weird) I received some of the most amazing hugs there that night. Nothing bad, but I knew that these people honestly cared about me even though they didn't even know me! It was an incredible feeling. I met some people that night that would later change my life. I'm so grateful for my friend that was persistent in his invitations to get me to go!

September 2008
I look forward to each fireside and at each one I get more and more comfortable. It's so nice to meet other people and realize A) These people are awesome! B) They also struggle with SGA and C) I can be awesome and struggle! It was life changing to realize that. I forget this thought all too often, but there are days that I remember I can be a good person and struggle with this stuff. I bought In Quiet Desperation and I have loved reading that book! I think that everyone should read it. It applies to so many different struggles! I met more and more people this month and went on random, spontaneous road trips and I loved every bit of it. I could tell that school was not going to be a priority in my life this semester! ;) I didn't care cause I was having the time of my life.

October 2008
I was becoming more and more comfortable with my struggle with SGA. I knew that it wasn't the end of the world to be attracted to men. I joined a support group at school for guys that struggle with all sorts of stuff. At the beginning, it was very nerve wracking! I was still dead set on not telling any one of my struggles then I found my self telling my support group that I like dudes. I had a very positive experience with that but I still believed that it would be better if I were dead than to tell my parents of my struggle! Well...I had a lot of friends that had really positive experiences telling people close to them and since I usually follow the crowd...I found my self one night after a family Halloween party telling my parents "my story". I was scared to death of what their reaction might be. I think I thought of every reaction I could possibly think of! They surprised me both! My mom didn't even cry! They were both shocked (which I was grateful for and honestly, it was quite a self esteem boost) my dad thought I was just teasing my mom. They were really supportive and we had longer discussions about it after that night. But I did it! I never thought I would do it! And I did it! It was a BIG deal to me.

November 2008
Nothing too big happened this month (at least that I can remember right now). I had more trips with my friends and had a great time. I met more people at the firesides and made great friendships.

December 2008
My parents came to their first fireside. I was so nervous the whole time wondering what was really going through their minds. It turns out they had a really good time and they were grateful to meet my friends that have changed my life. They were even willing to have a bunch of them crash my house after the fireside! That was fun. A few days later I decided to tell one of my best friends that I've known since middle school! I was pretty nervous about it, but she's been really supportive. She's even coming to January's fireside :)

Anyway, that's pretty much my 2008 in review. I'm sure I'm missing a lot in there, but those are the big events. I'm grateful for the year that I had. There were lots of challenging times, but every one of them have been so worth it. 2009 is already off to a good start and I'm excited for what lies ahead this year!