It's been quite some time since I last posted. I'm afraid to say, but it's been a rough month for me. I didn't really have many positive things to write about, so I just didn't write. Last night was the
Matis Fireside and, as always, it was exactly what I needed to hear. So here are my notes. They aren't everything, but hopefully it will give you a general idea of what was said. Also, anyone who reads this that attended the fireside, please add any insight that you had last night in the comments. :)
Our presenter was Dr. Steven Smith from the BYU Counseling Center and his topic was Unconditional Self Acceptance:
* "I'm not usually nervous giving lectures, but I empathize with you all to a degree. You are remarkable Latter-day Saints. It is a privilege to be with you tonight."
* "I've always wanted to be cool. But you can't be cool if your clumsy." He then shared several stories about his clumsiness. Stories like throwing up on a date at Lagoon after trying so hard to keep it in, participating in a "Trust Fall" where those who were supposed to catch him...didn't. While lying on the ground looking up they said "Should we have caught you?" He said "That's the general idea!" :) And lastly, his story of a hike he went on where he got stuck between some rocks, decided to stretch out his hands which caused his body to shift and one of the rocks broke his rib! Later, when reenacting the scene to his wife at home, he stretched out his hands and they got caught in the ceiling fan! He said, "Maybe I'll never be "cool", and I'm OK with that. I've come to accept that and it gives me freedom to be cool. it gives me freedom to find out who I really am." People love hearing his stories and he's not embarrassed to tell them, but rather feels pretty cool to have them.
* "Self Acceptance is hard, but it's easy to accept others. People with Same Gender Attraction are really good at accepting others, but not good at accepting themselves. Generally, people with SGA are less judgmental and more empathetic." He grew up in a home where there was a lot of empathy. His parents showed them how to reach out to other people. He shared a story of his father giving a blessing and referred to his fathers hands as his dad's "empathetic hands". He then shared a story about his mother which I didn't take as good of notes about. Sorry, maybe someone can fill us in her story?
* "We have a pretty easy time loving other people, but not our selves". Then he introduced the concept of Unconditional Acceptance. "Unconditional Acceptance doesn't mean that we don't work to improve things...Apply your unconditional acceptance on
yourself! Many of you don't know what it means to unconditionally accept yourself!"
* "Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA) doesn't mean staying "stuck", but accepting
where you are at." He talked about an OCD client he had. He tried to get him to stop fighting against the compulsions, but just accept that you have them.
* This one is really important, but hard to describe. He asked someone to come up and help him with a demonstration. They both stood facing each other with their palms touching. Dr Smith told the volunteer to resist when he pushed on him. The more he resisted the more the volunteer moved. Then Dr Smith told him to keep his arms loose and when he pushed, there was no resistance and the volunteer didn't move an inch. He said "Accept that push!! Don't resist! Don't fight it! You'll be knocked off balance! When we start thinking, "Oh, this is terrible, I can't stand this anymore, this is awful - you're just going to feel sad and rejected." He said to accept the feeling and move forward.
* "You need to accept that you have these feelings of SGA. Accept it all the way and don't fight against it. Does that mean that you go out and find a partner and live the lifestyle? That's entirely up to you. Do what you believe what is in your best self interest. Many of you are here because you love the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Many times you feel that you are the only one, and that no on in the Church understands your struggle. Many of you are
fighting with this. Accept that you deal with it."
* "Accepting your SGA and who you are is so important. When you're able to accept who you are, you're more able to move forward in the direction you want to go. It makes it easier, but not easy! Learn to ask yourselves questions like, what does this mean for me? What have I been asked to do?"
* This (he believes) is a trial that has been given to us. He shared something that Elder Maxwell once said while he was going through Chemotherapy. "I'm constantly amazed that the Lord can customize my trials yet give me complete free agency to choose." Dr Smith said, "SGA can be a trial. I'm not saying it's a problem or a weakness, or a fault, but a trial. If you know what Heavenly Father wants you to do with it, you can be on your way to Unconditional Self Acceptance."
* Regarding the Matis', "accepting Stuart's death and moving in a positive direction like they have is a perfect example of unconditional acceptance. My belief is that's what can happen in your life. You can increase your empathy."
* Elder Maxwell gave a
talk in General Conference October 1997
"...There are also our customized trials such as experiencing illness, aloneness, persecution, betrayal, irony, poverty, false witness, unreciprocated love, et cetera. If endured well now, "all these things" can be for our good and can "greatly enlarge the soul," including an enlarged capacity for joy...Jesus acknowledged, "For this cause came I into the world" (John 18:37). We too, brothers and sisters, came "into the world" to pass through our particularized portions of the mortal experience. Even though our experiences do not even begin to approach our Master's, nevertheless, to undergo this mortal experience is why we too are here! Purposefully pursuing this "cause" brings ultimate meaning to our mortal lives. And we are greatly helped if we enter with faith that pavilion of perspective--the plan of salvation. Then the search for meaning is ended, even though further and resplendent discoveries await us. Alas, as Church members we sometimes behave like hurried tourists, scarcely venturing beyond the entry point."
* "As you're able to accept this and ask what the Lord requires of you, then you can put your hand in His."
* "I testify that the Savior and His atonement are real! You are beloved sons and daughters of God. His love for you doesn't go up when you are "good" and down when you are "bad", but it is as steady as the sun. Else why would He provide the atonement for each one of us? Thank you for letting me be here, thank you for being you!"
**Brother Matis: "The Lord has called each of you on a mission. Accept yourself and help other people understand this issue." In their experience with holding these firesides, a neighbor called and asked if he could come and set up the chairs. Another neighbor called and asked if she could make food for the fireside. "People want to understand this issue and it's up to you to clean up the garbage that is out there! You are called to help people
understand! If they don't know who you are, how can they understand you? People want to know about it!"
I really enjoyed this fireside. I've got serious issues with "Unconditional Self Acceptance." It's something I can work harder on. Anyway, these are the last notes for the Matis firesides for a while. Sister Matis is having severe back pain and last month they found out their daughter has breast cancer and yesterday underwent surgery to remove what they could. For the next few months she will be going through chemotherapy and Sister Matis is in charge of helping with the children. So for their health they are postponing all firesides till September. Keep their family in your prayers. They are incredible!
